What happens if I don’t… beat myself up?
What happens if I don’t beat myself up? The text for this is below. If you would rather watch a video of this post, it’s not identical but nearly, you can do that here on YouTube:
This is the first companion text for my new video series “What happens if I don’t _______?” where I discuss how I went about changing my life by asking myself what happens if I don’t do certain things and how they contributed to my going beyond coping into thriving and loving my life.
It’s only Tuesday and you’ve already had enough of the week. You took care of the kid thing, the work thing, the errand thing. Had everyone microwave their own food. You’re looking at the dishes, the dishwasher still isn’t working and you’re waiting on someone else to get it fixed. There’s bills to pay, you keep forgetting to color your hair, it’s time for bed and you’re just done. Nauseous from the need to sleep, back hurts, eyes burning… this is your reality.
You can buck against it, you can rail to the world your lamentations, you can beat yourself up for not being a great meatsuit pilot… you can cry, blame, get mad at someone else about their part in it… or, you can do none of those things.
There is no universe where you would come to the end of your days and think… I wish I’d been harder in myself, I wish I’d beat myself up for my shortcomings more.
Of course I’m not saying don’t ever push yourself or make promises to yourself like, I’ll do the dishes in the morning or I’ll have a special meal with the kids to make up for this one I missed… those are forward thinking things. But to beat yourself up for it? Who does that benefit?
I’d like you to imagine a person, it can be a real person or even a cartoon person, it can even be yourself.
It’s the end of a very long day. Lots of things have gone wrong- maybe symptoms interfered with work so you came home already feeling a little down… or, maybe you’re on disability and just couldn’t get out of bed all day. Dinner was whatever you could microwave for others because you felt too tired and sick to eat. You look at the mess in the house, drag yourself to bed and lay there…
Now, imagine your self talk… “Everyone is right, I am useless. Can’t even do the dishes. It’s never gonna get better and I’m always gonna suck at this. My family deserves better. I’m such a failure.”
You may have found yourself nodding along… yes, that’s how I feel…
Now, imagine the same day but when you look at the dishes, you think to yourself… someone else *could* wash them. I’m not the only one who lives here. I’ve got nothing left right now but, when I get the energy to do them, I will. Give everyone loving kisses goodnight and now you’re lying in bed with your *comfort* items. And, you think to yourself, “the day is done for now. You made it through one more day, you warrior you. Tomorrow is another chance to try again. Even though other people may not understand how hard it is for me just to function, I do and whether or not anyone has empathy for me… I have it for myself, because I know I’m doing my best, no matter who else agrees.”
Which scenario do you think led to a better nights sleep?
Which scenario do you think had an *easier* time waking up in the morning?
Which scenario do you think had a better chance of finding some morning strength to maybe take on the dishes??
Who’s life are you living anyway? Are you giving yourself your best? Encouraging yourself, reassuring yourself when you fall short? Or, are you beating yourself up all the time?
The morning comes regardless! The dishes will still be there regardless! The ONLY thing that changes from bedtime until wake up time is the numbers on the clock! Whether you beat yourself up, or you nurture yourself, morning comes just the same… if you’re lucky.
Beating yourself up does not solve your problems, it only makes more. It makes your life, your head, your heart… heavier. There’s no hope in feeling hopeless…
The next time something, anything goes wrong, ask yourself… what happens if I don’t beat myself up about this? What happens, if instead of negative self talk or lamentations that things are not the way they’re *supposed* to be, I reassure myself that I’m doing the best I can with what I’ve got to work with? Whether other people express disappointment in us or not. Whether we’re medicated, or not. Whether other people *believe* in our illness or not. What happens if I go to bed knowing in my heart I did my best and I have another chance to try again tomorrow?
Go find out! Lol Every day you get another chance to try again. Like the movie Ground hog Day, except every day is different. Run experiments on yourself lol. Try it both ways and just see what happens!!
For me I found a depth of compassion for myself like no one ever had. I’m the only one inside this meatsuit… the only one who knows EXACTLY what’s going on in here… others assume, guess. Even if I tell them they may not get it, agree, or understand. After realizing that, I realized *I* need to be that person for myself!!
It took a long time to change it. For such a simple concept as “be nice to yourself,” it can be a lot harder to actually pull that off. Especially if you’ve beaten yourself up all your life, or, if others have done the (mental/physical/emotional) beating for you. I practiced. When the thoughts come, I shove them out. I replace them with, “oh well, I did my best.” Or, “no one is perfect, not even me.” Or, “at least I’m not a serial killer.” Lol whatever it was, it was ALWAYS pro-me.
I decided I was never going to beat myself up again. I decided the world was harsh enough without me even giving one minute of harshness to myself. As human beings we ALL fall short. Every one of us. Some of us more frequently than others lol.
There is no manual for being a human being. Each meatsuit comes with special operating instructions but, you don’t get them… you have to figure them all out on your own. And, when your meatsuit is faulty, it brings a whole new set of challenges. Take the time to realize no one *knows* what they’re doing… we are all just winging it as best we can.
If you have something you want to work on, great. If you want to be better at something, great. Practice. No one learns or performs better while they’re being berated so don’t do it to yourself!!
Happy matters. Let that be a mantra. When you’re laying in bed about to sleep after a long hard day, remind yourself of it. I can choose to be happy I made it to bed lol, the time is going to pass regardless. I’ve given up enough peace in this lifetime, I’m not giving up any more. And, it’s my CHOICE what I think about, no one else’s.
Of course you have to put this all through the YOU filter. What happens if you don’t beat yourself up?
Go find out!!
If you want to watch the other two videos currently available:
What happens if I don’t freak out? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W5kJrSW9MQQ
What happens if I don’t push myself to breaking? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T4mdEk5CYgI&t=1s
If you want to see the rest of my videos: Click for Going Beyond Coping YouTube Channel
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