Adapting – Erased mom – is that my kid?

I was sitting at a stoplight just now, there was a girl on the left corner waiting to cross the street. She had on glasses and a hat and her hair was up.  She was thin and had acne on her cheeks and when she walked by me, something about the way she held the flowers seemed so familiar I felt catch in my throat.  I have no idea what she actually looks like. Perhaps there was something in her gait that reminded me of the teenage girl that left me almost 3 years ago.  I don’t know.

What I do know is that I sat at that red light, battling cataplexy as irrational situations are one of my triggers.  Even now as I dictate this into my phone on the side of the road, ahead of going into pick up my son, who still loves me, my heart is thumping in my chest. My voice is catching. My eyes are burning. It’s almost like jumping into a pool of emotion.  I will close my eyes and breathe. Listen to the song on the radio, forcing myself to sing along until I’m able to drown out all the thoughts that just watching a girl walk across the street erupted within me.

Then,  I will go pick up both my sons who still love me, hug them close; and thank the universe that I have the chance to be with them.

Happy matters. Go and get it.