Adapting – Why do you get up so early?

I get up every morning at 4:10 am. I turn my outdoor heated blanket on high, put on the kettle, use the bathroom, brush my teeth, put some kvass in water, make a coffee and sit.my.ass.down. for an hour and a half. For real.

And I almost always feel like this…

…no matter what day it is.

And then, at 5:45 I go cuddle with my husband for a half hour. For real. A half hour is about all I can lay down without falling asleep. But, it used to only be like ten minutes, so I’ve grown. Cuddling is therapeutic.  I’ll do a post on that separately.

Now, many years ago, before I discovered waking up early, this is what my the first hour and a half of every week day looked like:

Drag self out of bed, make coffee, wake up the kids, get lunches together, wake up kids again, deal with dog, make sure kids eat and do their lunches, do something with hair, get dressed, cry from all the pain, sit on the toilet and microsleep, chug coffee, leave, drive kid one to school, drive kid two to school, go back to kid one’s school and help the teacher for a half hour. And from there go to work, nap in my car, pick up kid one, pick up kid two, get any grocery or whatever, home, coffee, dog, nap, dinner, tv, bed.

Where is the “me” time? In the car? While I’m napping? Nope. There really wasn’t any. I spent the entire day, in pain, taking care of other people’s needs. Trudging. Literally. So weary I was always running on empty and against the clock. And, taking “me” time at night is impozzzzible, or constantly interrupted.

I don’t remember how it came to be. But, now I can’t imagine living any other way. I’m more awake, feel more connected to the world. When I’m done I feel ready to move forward. And, having narcolepsy, that in itself is a gift. A gift I give myself every day.

I go through my Instagram and Facebook, “catch up” with people on Messenger (I’m always having conversations out of time). I focus on funny positive things. Look for great things to share on my Positively Narcolepsy page. I write, whatever project I have going on. I delete pics I don’t need anymore (when else is doing that the best use of your time?) I meditate. I work on whatever I need working on. There is always some chaos in life, be it through work, home or friends. I have to spend time chilling out. The running is coming. So, I nurture myself. And then I have a little extra for others.

Selfcare is healthcare. Happy matters people. If you want to be more than “OK,” you need to nurture yourself to keep going beyond coping into rainbowbarf land. It is possible. You are in charge of the real estate between your ears. You may not be able to ever be done with your disabilities but you don’t have to let that take your joy. Fight for it. We don’t have a lot of time on this spinning rock, don’t give any of it away to misery.

Happy matters. Go and get it.